THIS IS MY DAUGHTER’S PERSONAL STORY! SHE AND OTHERS LIKE HER ARE THE REASONS I SPEAK AND FIGHT!

Alright let’s just get this out of the way. I am GAY. Before that “horrid” word turns you away, let me at least explain my story and situation to you.

I grew up in a super conservative and Christian home. I didn’t hate it, I wasn’t really a problem kid who questioned authority, I just kind of did what I was told. I think I always knew that I was different in a way. I never would have guessed it was my sexuality, but I just always said I “wasn’t like other girls”.

I was EXTREMELY homophobic growing up, part of it internalized, and part of it from what I had grown up hearing. It disgusted me, I thought it was the #1 worst sin ever. Send you straight to Hell sort of sin.

And then I went off to college. And I know this is where people go, “Oh, well if you had gone to a Christian college you wouldn’t have turned out like this”, and I beg to differ. I didn’t just magically turn Gay one day. This is something that has been inside of me the moment I was born, buried deep but still there, nonetheless. It was only a matter of time and finding the right people to help me find it within myself.

I am 22 years old and only around 5ish years ago did I start to rethink my stance on LGBT+ and religion. It took me a whole entire 20 years of my life to find out that I wasn’t straight, but I met some wonderful and amazing people at college who I could have these kinds of conversations with and they would love and support me either way. This was different than what I had felt from the people in churches. There were things I felt like I could never talk to people about, and I was always hit with the “Oh you’ll find the right guy! If God wants you to be single forever than that’s his will! I know the right guy is out there somewhere for you!” I knew there was a certain way I needed to answer, needed to talk to these people. I couldn’t be open; I couldn’t be my true self.

The two years after questioning my own sexuality I began to pick up on the nuances of the church and their stances on LGBT+ people. While some people outright denounced gay people, shaking their heads in dismay and disgust when talking about gay marriage, there were other churches who said they welcomed gay people into their congregation. The latter turned out to be fake acceptance as they tried to change or “fix” you, once involved in the church. I remember attending a sermon where a “former gay man” gave a speech about how he had been stuck in the sin of homosexuality and God had freed him. Everyone in my small group was horrified at the idea of gay people and literally didn’t even know how to have a conversation with them. Needless to say I didn’t go back. I don’t want to be around people who don’t accept me, talk about me behind my back, try to “fix” me.

There is NOTHING to fix for LGBT+ people. They aren’t broken, wrong, horrible, confused people. This is literally how they are. You think I would chose to live a life where I could be killed in a hate crime and discriminated against my whole life? Hell no!

In the past year or so I have felt so unaccepted and judged by religious people (Christians specifically). I’ve had the good ol’ “clobber verses” thrown at me, people arguing that I need to deny my feelings and “suffer for Christ” and people straight up telling me I broke their hearts. You see how loved and accepted I’m feeling? Really makes me want to get up and go to church on Sunday and worship with these people! Honestly at this point I’m tired of arguing. There is so much research out there to explain the clobber verses but it seems no one can open their minds enough to look at those verses from a different and historical perspective. It’s sad honestly. I have lost a lot of friends (guess they weren’t really my friends), and families I liked to hang out with avoid me and my family now. People who are supposed to be showing God’s love to everyone and loving and accepting everyone? Yeah right.

Don’t take this writing that I have turned my back on God or anything. I’m just done with the church and religion. I’ve met enough people and heard/read enough to know those aren’t the kind of people I want to be around and spend my time with.

I have a very lovely girlfriend and she makes me so so happy. Why are you trying to take away my happiness? You want me to lie my entire life and fake a relationship with a man because me being with a woman makes you uncomfortable? Some people tell me I can just be single my whole life, which, I understand that that’s what some people want and that’s fine, but why would you want me to be lonely my whole life when I have a wonderful girlfriend that I plan on marrying one day and living the rest of my life with? Do you not want me to be happy? I think God would want me to be happy.