If you follow me on Facebook the next few posts might sound familiar. I wanted to share them on my blog to have all of my thoughts in one place…you know for when I write that incredible best selling book one day! 🙂
I have spent a lot of time reflecting on my past in the fundamental Baptist church. I never want it to seem that I am attacking the people I met there….I AM NOT! But I am standing up against the establishment, the hierarchy and the leadership that have a vast history of misogyny, patriarchy, homophobia, and an environment that encourages women to submit in silence to abusive husbands, tells LGBTQ children that they are an abomination, and allows men to dictate every single detail of a woman’s life down to the clothes that she can wear while playing the piano at a church service (that is a story for another day)! I also remember a friend being told that she couldn’t walk around on stage while singing a song…..it was just too dramatic….you know who decided that for her….a dude! 😦
These are just a few of my stories! I call them “what was I thinking” because I am still baffled as to what kind of addled brain led me to believe that so many of these things were okay and acceptable!? If you know me at all…I’m not the passive sort…haha! Anyway, maybe I will figure out the whys as I work through many of the whats! Thank you so so much for reading!
** PREVIOUS FACEBOOK POST
WHAT WAS I THINKING!
** I remember sitting in church when I first began to take my faith seriously. I was about 32 years old I believe. I remember hearing repeatedly that the Bible was a living book! That we could read it over and over and over again and God could and would speak to us anew each time. I found this so fascinating and loved the thought that in this way God created a book just for me.
Little did I know, this was only true if God spoke to me in ways that had already been deemed appropriate and acceptable by the “moral majority” of the church house. Quite an interesting concept since the “moral majority”, technically speaking, put Jesus on the cross. I FINALLY met God when I unraveled Him from the expectations, the appearances, and the need to please others. I know I ramble out loud a lot…it’s not because I’m angry or bitter…it’s because I’m free and I REALLY want you to be too! FB post July 29th 2021
MORE WHAT WAS I THINKING!
These posts are regarding the movie Pray Away. I hope all of you have had an opportunity to watch this incredible documentary. The fundamentalist churches I attended for over 20 years fully supported this type of “therapy”, and it disgusts me that I sat in the pews and watched these things happen without the courage to stand up and say…..THIS IS JUST WRONG! It was as if I felt the wrongness in every fiber of my being, but the doubt and fear that I carried with me from many years of untreated anxiety and depression kept me compliantly glued to my pew.
** When we lived in Utah I was a part of a fundamental Baptist church. I remember a young man in attendance there that was gay. I spoke to his mom several times who clearly loved him but was so confused. In her words, direction from church leadership was “pathetic”, she said it was as if they were afraid of him. Long story short, he ended up being sent to conversion camp! It breaks my heart that I had no more to offer this mom or this young man at that time!
I pray he found his way. Please watch this movie!! This “treatment” is nothing but horrible abuse under the guise of twisted faith! FB post from July 31st 2021
**The trailer! I have already cried so many tears for this beautiful community, and I will likely cry more. I know so many people whose hearts are set and hardened and ignorant of the truth. Even when shown the errors of scripture they refuse to acknowledge even the possibility of being wrong. I’m working to be forgiving of that, but it’s hard when I have seen first hand the damage and the pain and the suffering this has caused. I wish everyone who thinks they are certain of truth would spend some time volunteering with an LGBTQ organization, or is that a sin too? FB post from July 31st 2021
Thank you for pushing through my jumbled thoughts….one final thought to wrap up this little mess. I have lost friends, I have gained friends, I have spoken in love, I have spoken in anger, I have rejoiced, I have sorrowed, I have lost religion, I have found God, I have felt strong, I have felt weak, but one thing I will NEVER feel again is neutral in the face of injustice!
Ugly Perfection 