I spent some time with two of my children last week. For those of you that are new to my blog, my oldest daughter is a lesbian, and my middle child is non-binary. I left their adorable homes, that are filled with the kind of love that a mama only dreams of for her babies, with so many thoughts swirling through my brain. I couldn’t help but imagine an alternate universe in which I had chosen NOT to support them. For context, when I was wrapped up in religion, I told them the most hurtful, horrible things….how they would be outside of “God’s will”, and would not receive “His best”, and the proverbial favorite, “I will always love you, but…..” 😦 My heart will forever bear an enormous hurt, as that response to their vulnerable, young souls was nothing short of cruelty. My babies were sharing their hearts with me, sharing their truth and being supremely vulnerable, and I hit them with the most self-righteous, steaming pile of religious, legalistic bull-shit this side of heaven.
After this visit with my sweet babies, I shared some of these thoughts with my extended family. My Aunt proceeded to tell me a horribly tragic story. While in college, her daughter met a lovely, kind, brilliant young man who just happened to be gay. His parents, whom he loved dearly, did not approve and planned to have a religious “intervention” while he was home for Thanksgiving. He found out, and prior to that visit home, killed himself. This story is not anecdotal, it is not a fictionalized account of something that could happen…it is REAL, and it is the greatest of tragedies because it happened as a direct result of institutionalized, systemic, religious homophobia. These occurrences are not rare, and are the primary reason that I will not stand down in the face of discrimination….because my truth is not always appetizing to those who at one time feasted on my ignorance I have lost “friends”, I have lost community, but most importantly I have lost a religion that is fueled by fear, ugliness, and hate. What I have lost, however, pales greatly in comparison to what I have gained. I have an amazing relationship with my children (who have kindly forgiven me for my shortcomings), and I have met and hugged and shared truth with some of the most amazing people, and hopefully even been a small part of mending their tattered souls.
My words leave me when I think of the broken hearts that litter homes, and streets, and church pews….hearts broken by lies, and by hardened hearts and pride. I’m talking to you my sweet, beautiful child….I’m your mama now, and there is an amazing community of Mama Bears just waiting to show you the love and support that you deserve. Check my page for dozens of resources that are available, or reach out to me and I will do my very best to get you connected with someone in your area. You are NOT a disappointment to God, you are NOT headed to hell, and you are beautifully and wonderfully made just as you are….YOU are not broken….the church is.
Ugly Perfection 