GAY!

The best thing that ever happened to me was my daughter telling me she was gay! Yes, you read that right! The BEST thing! See, prior to that, my goal in life was to be the nicest person I could possibly be. In fact, my sweet Mama used to always say to me, “now be nice”! I know what she meant, treat people well and do your best to always show kindness. Yes, mama, those things are wonderful and I’m thankful you taught me how important kindness is. However, somewhere along the way, I decided it was more important to be “nice” than to stand up for what was right! I was so scared of someone being mad at me, disappointed in me, or letting someone down, that I would literally do anything to avoid that. Sadly, it also meant that I didn’t always stand up for my children as well as I should have. 😦 That’s another blog post all together! BUT, when my sweet girl said, “I’m gay, and I’m going to tell people!”, something rose up in me that I had never felt before. The dialogue in my head went something like this, “if anybody is mean to her I will kick their ass”! Suddenly doing what was RIGHT was light years more important than doing what was NICE! See, I had gotten some things confused. We can be nice in doing what it right, and actually doing what is right IS nice! Maybe because I’m a woman who attended a VERY conservative church, I had heard the message (loud and clear!) that I should go along with things, never rock the boat, be agreeable, be compliant, and keep my thoughts and opinions to myself. I mean, if I got called to the pastor’s office for wearing pants at the piano….surely I couldn’t have an opinion on anything REALLY important! (I digress…..!) However, somehow, in a crazy profound, I can only call it a God-moment way, I finally gave myself permission to be ME! To be strong, to be powerful, to take a stand, to disagree, to have a voice, to show my girls what brave women can do. One of my girls said to me the other day, “mom this song reminds me of you, it’s about a strong, bad-ass woman”! Now I didn’t correct her language right at that moment, because I was SO enjoying the compliment! 🙂

These three little words, MOM, I’M GAY, sent me on a whirlwind journey. I read books, I read my Bible, I researched essays and sermons with more vim and vigor than ever in my life! In the oxymoron that is my story, my gay daughter created in me a voice, a mission, a desire beyond anything I have ever felt, to make this world okay for her. I decided I would NEVER let her rest in (though I know she hears it) the idea that being gay is sinful, that she is an abomination, that she needs God to take away this thorn in her flesh!! Ughhh…we have heard all of those things, but my baby girl never has to OWN any of those things! I went on a deep diving, dark water, expedition, and I rose out of that miry place with renewed faith and renewed passion. I will fight for not just my daughter, but for every member of the LGBTQ+ community until my last breath leaves my body! Non-affirming church, non-affirming christian…..YOU ARE WRONG!! I am saying what is TRUE in the kindest way I know how! I beg you to go on a deep diving expedition of YOUR faith! You need to stop resting in teachings that are based on false translations and false doctrine! You need to come out of your churches, hit the streets, and meet some of the lovely, beautifully diverse people that you have excluded from your doors! How dare you! And, again I’m being kind, because truly the kindest thing you can do for someone is correct them when they are wrong. I’m working on not being mad at you….those who refuse to even consider their error….but my sweet, beautiful niece, who just happens to be gay, said to me recently, “they are just afraid”! Wow, her compassion, after being subject to homophobic discrimination and judgement is truly God in her! Can we please see the God in you?

“I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” Elie Wiesel